Responsibility

What does the word, responsibility, mean: The duty or authority of having control over something or someone(Oxford Dictionary) If you are responsible for something, you will be held accountable for the outcome that comes from it.

What are things, situations or people for whom you see yourself as responsible? For example, as adults we are responsible for paying our bills. The basic concept of what we are responsible for is something that most people in a similar culture would agree upon. The difficulty enters when we feel a sense of responsibility for things over which we have no control.

For instance, if someone in our presence appears upset, we tend to respond with a desire to “fix” it, as though we are responsible for why they are upset and it is our responsibility to repair that. In truth, when we walk in and see the person upset, we tend to be uncomfortable which can drive some anxiety which can drive some action. So we start inquiring and comforting the best we can. It is important to be aware that we are actually uncomfortable by and NOT RESPONSIBLE for their emotion. The American culture tends to be uncomfortable with experiencing or witnessing emotional states. Have you noticed how people tend to apologize when they cry? If you stop and picture yourself seeing someone you know cry, what emotions do you notice yourself feeling? We tend to attempt to comfort the person out of our own discomfort with the emotion, hoping the emotional expression will stop.

In order to grow and learn in life, it is very important to feel your emotions, yet many of us try to avoid them. We also tend to own responsibility for what we and what others feel. The truth is, emotions are neither good nor bad, they are information. Can you imagine making a major life decision without gathering as much information as you can? Emotions inform us as to how something is affecting us in a given moment. They do not make us weak, they are valuable to our growth in life. If we try to avoid how something affects us, we give that something control over us to a degree. Your responsibility comes in with your decision regarding what to do with the emotion, you can choose to avoid it, you can fight it, you can sit with it and feel it, which in turn will allow you to process it if you choose to do that.

We are not responsible for our emotions, we are responsible for our own choices and actions of what we do with that emotion. In the same vein, we are not responsible for another persons emotions NOR are we responsible for what that person chooses to do with their emotion.

Try being clear with yourself as to where your responsibility lies and does not lie.